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The best way to start a piece of cultural criticism is to explain what one is criticizing in the first place. The problem here is that Pink Sauce is difficult to explain. Not because the concept is difficult to grasp but because we can’t get a handle on what it actually is. Every time we seem to have a description of The Pink Sauce, the creator either refutes something about it or a food scientist declares that the claims cannot be true. It is filled with mystery ingredients and an almost ever changing secret recipe. But that’s the appeal, at least for those of us obsessed with the drama. Not for those eating it.
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Most viral topics fall into one of two categories for me. One’s where I’m on the ground floor and where I’m struggling to catch up, wondering how something like this even got started in the first place. This was the second one for me. The second iteration always makes me feel superior. At least I’m not that kind of stupid. I’m not invested in people buying a sauce from a stranger they found on the internet and being surprised when it’s bad. Those aren’t my idiots. (My idiots are deeply invested in creating “Little Miss” memes this week, so a different pox on the internet).
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People are mad that the girl making it doesn’t know anything about cooking, storing food, packaging, and general food safety. The ingredients are unclear and might be a bold faced lie. She insists there is no mayonnaise or mayonnaise-like product that binds the sauce together, which many have pointed out is practically impossible. They’re mad at her for selling a product, which at the bare minimum, is a bad idea to purchase. Say what you will about capitalism but this feels like one of those problems it’s designed to solve. If you make a bad product that no one wants, you won’t be making that product for much longer. But because the creator is still selling, people are still engaging in discourse.
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There’s four ways people are coming at this. First there’s people who genuinely engaged with this. People who bought it, and are now mad because it broke or it wasn’t safe or some other predictable issue. Second there’s people egging her on, defending this woman and adding her to our pantheon of internet scammers. Perhaps she is a queen for comparing herself to Madonna, Beyonce, and Jesus. Third there’s people plainly making fun of the whole ordeal just based on the facts they are presented. They are the geniuses who pointed out that it looks like tubby custard, which it does. The fourth are the people who have appointed themselves freelance FDA agents. They are my least favorite.
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The fourth camp is the worst group on the internet when it comes to issues like this. They think they're the only ones that know it’s bad. When groups 2 and 3 also know that but they want to have fun with it. It’s one of those rare cases where there’s not really a serious undertone. If the sauce is bad don’t buy the sauce. No one appointed you head of the FDA! These people are the ultimate narcs. These people always ruin the fun of things like this because they take everything seriously, and they need us to take everything seriously as well.
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The internet is not a place of nuance and so almost all discussion of personal responsibility lead to long talks about ideology. The idea that people might be somewhat responsible for their own well being and happiness is viewed as republican ideology. Anyone who sides with personal responsibility over government oversight is always in favor of letting the poor starve. Not this time though. As much as Americans are over reliant on personal responsibility, sometimes the answer is just that. Sure, the Pink Sauce creator shouldn’t be selling the Pink Sauce but also, you shouldn’t be buying it! What part of that situation can you control? Your own actions.
The FDA and the Better Business Bureau and whoever else should probably step in but until then, just don’t buy the sauce. I understand the desire for a new sauce. I love condiments and every time there’s a new one, I want to try it. What we’ve done with aioli in the past ten years is truly incredible, and I’d love to see it continue. However I simply can’t endorse the pink sauce. However badly we need a new combination of salty and sweet and tangy and bitter, we need standards.
America is a country bewildered by condiments. We are bombarded with secret sauces that are just combinations of other sauces. It’s weird to me that we don’t just say what they are. If I were the president, I would make sure every child in this country could not only read, but could name all the ingredients in Chick Fil A sauce, In n Out sauce, and steak sauce. They would be able to recite their multiplication tables as well as how to make ranch from scratch. When presented with a new secret sauce they could identify just by tasting it. The pink sauce and its ilk, could not bring us down again.