If you live in LA or have heard of the Kardashians you have some familiarity with Armenians. The most famous family in America is Armenian but most people don’t know much about Armenia beyond that. They have no knowledge of their culture or what it is like to be Armenian. We don’t even know what we don’t know.
Enter the Armenian dating show. Created by Anthony Abaci, the show gives its viewers a better understanding of Armenian culture in America through the fun dramatic set up of a dating show. The show follows three young Armenian singles, their families, and their potential matches. There’s a twist, though, before the subjects meet their blind dates, their families meet their blind dates. While this format separates it from other dating shows, it also replicates very old fashioned Armenian dating. Abaci said that though it's not typically done this way anymore, this process is very similar to how his Armenian grandparents met and got together.
Earlier the month, I was invited to the premiere of The Armenian Dating Show and got a chance to speak to some of the cast and producers. The premiere was exciting, as all premieres are. Everyone, both the cast and crew, was ready to show off their work, while at the same time anxious to see if they made a fool of themselves on camera.
In the first two episodes screened at the premiere, we meet the main singles, Shant and Vanessa. Shant is a gregarious young man looking for love. Both on screen and in real life, his boisterous exterior quickly fades and he becomes warm and sensitive. Shant is the younger of the two and the show is his first major foray into the dating world. We are charmed the moment he comes on screen and walks us through the Armenian market and explains the Armenian food staples he is purchasing. He is confident when he needs to be but on his dates, he has an endearing nervousness that makes him all the more likeable.
Vanessa is the older of the two and approaches love with a much more protected heart but also a strong sense of self. She knows what she wants and who she is. She will not settle for less and she will not diminish herself. The moment she walked into the room, she shined. At the premiere before the screening started, it was difficult to figure out who in attendance was actually going to be on the show and who was just there to support - except for Vanessa. She was glowing, surrounded by her friends and family. She brings that same real life dazzle to every scene she’s in.
In addition to our two main characters we have the families and, of course, their dates. Not everyone is shown to us right away. The show employs the Netflix model of introducing characters; We are shown a gaggle of people at the beginning, some of whom are introduced with full context in the first two episodes and some of whom we will be given context for later. Each person, whether they’re a main single, a supportive family member, or one of the blind dates, contributes to our understanding of Armenian American culture. Each person gets a say and describes their own version of what it means to be Armenian, both outside of, and within the context of dating. The show also has my favorite element of documentary filmmaking: frank mothers with great one liners. Their presence gives us a better picture of the culture than any explanation ever could.
I loved the peak into Armenian culture, something that is present yet shielded in LA. The Armenian Dating Show is a great balance of documentary about Armenian-American culture and reality dating show drama. It never tries too hard to explain Armenian culture to us. We of course get explanations of concepts we wouldn’t understand without a bit of translation but most of it is on the screen. We see how Armenian families interact and how they care for their children, even when they're all grown up. We come to understand Armenian values and how they are expressed without canned lines and unnecessary over-explanation.
It is also of course a great dating show. It never strays away from the drama or feels the need to make everyone seem like a perfect candidate for our singles. They find comedy in the awkwardness of every first date and the giddy glee when it goes well. No one is too polished and no one is made to look better or worse than they are. As the director Zoe Malhotra said, “There are no bloopers because everything everyone says is on screen. They all said this of their own volition.”
My favorite part of the premiere was watching everyone in the room become celebrities around me. While before the room was filled with strangers I had been apprehensive to introduce myself to, for fear of bothering them on the night of their big premiere, I was now apprehensive to talk to them because they had suddenly become stars. The person sitting next to me was not just some older Armenian man in a sport coat but the level headed and loving patriarch himself, Shant’s dad. I had seen him mere moments ago in a vulnerable state and was charmed by his on screen presence- I couldn’t talk to him now. I knew more about him than he would ever know about me. I did not want to make a fool of myself in front of these newly minted micro celebrities.
The people in the room with me were newly famous but in a way that lacked ego. Someone who had shown their lives off in a deeply personal way and we could never return the favor. We were present with them and felt real vulnerability. This show gives us an awkwardness not seen on television anymore. An unstudied human one that is endearing and familiar. They are not more awkward than anyone else would be, nor are they trying to be. No one is here for the cameras specifically. They are genuinely here for love, whether that be for an existing love of their own culture or family, or in pursuit of a new love.
For the first time in a long time the use of real people in reality television feels authentic. All of the cast members were reluctant to participate initially “How Embarrassing for me” Vanessa said when I interviewed her about the process about joining the show “ [but] if they interview the candidates the way they’re interviewing me, they’ve got to be half decent human beings” The goal was to make a decent effort on behalf of their singles to find love with other Armenian singles. The show was not made to shock and awe the audience with the craziest people they could find. The participants are made to feel comfortable sharing, rather than tormented into vulnerability as is typical with reality dating shows.
This authenticity comes from the shows more documentary style. Instead of grueling shoots to wear people down, or looking for people who want desperately to be on camera, the participants talk about the comfort they felt with the crew, and needing to be convinced to appear on camera. This tone and approach are felt through the screen. The Armenian Dating Show brings us people speaking from their hearts and acting in good faith. A foreign concepts for most reality shows.
Shant spoke about his participation on the show being motivated not only for dating but for working with a team that really cared. “It's a nice way to get out of my comfort zone. It was something that, I mean I wasn't uncomfortable dating, but I never really chased after it. The fact that there was a production team and there were a lot of people that were invested in an idea like this. The fact that this was going to be taken and shown to a bunch of people to kind of change the culture, that kind of drawed me more towards the project” The motivation to participate was not one for fame, or even just a personal search for love, but being a part of something that contributed to modern Armenian American culture.
This care and apprehension on the part of the crew and cast respectively, is the perfect recipe for a refreshing and intriguing dating show. People were more than willing to make a fool of themselves or embarrass themselves a little bit for the sake of showing off and explaining Armenian culture. They knew they were in good hands and knew that in the end the goal was not to get famous or win a million dollars but display their community in a positive and loving light.
The Armenian dating show predicts a bright future in the world of reality dating. Maybe with the little nudge of some cameras, and the help of one's family, things can be a little better, or different. At the very least for all of our contestants, they got an experience. The cameras are not a constant presence representing a goal to be achieved or a kind of person to be, but a moment in time. A brief fun 15 minutes of fame and nothing more. There’s the possibility of love but their life unchanged is equally a possibility. A taste of fame without the bad parts. We can still have fun on camera with real people and not ruin their lives.
Anthony described the show as letting people in. “Come drink with us, come share a meal with us,” The team behind the Armenian Dating Show captures this energy well. We are in their homes when we turn on this show, but it feels like we’ve been invited. We are not barging in and looking where we’re not supposed to. We are welcomed to the table to learn about their culture the way we would learn about a neighbor. After all, Armenians are our neighbors.
The Armenian Dating Show is on Youtube, with all episodes out now.