Now that cyber monday is over, and we’re scrambling to think of gifts now that the deals are gone, it’s time I released my gift guide. I’m a civilized girl and I don’t believe in talking about Christmas until well after Thanksgiving. But the Thanksgiving weekend is over and as someone who’s self-appointed job is to spend all my time on the Internet, I’m here to tell you what is worth it and what is simply well advertised. That and how to justify your decision when buying these items for yourself.
What do you meme?
No
If you want to get your internet savvy younger brother or daughter or cousin something, do not get them this. Ask them if they have ever played Catan, this is a much better guiding light for buying a board game. This is a board game for older people who know what memes are. I’ve never had fun playing this and neither has anyone I’ve ever played with. Get any other game.
Ring light phone stand
Yes
Unfortunately we live in a world where everyone wants to be an influencer or streamer or, at the very least, take good photos of themselves. Most people don’t want to admit their vanity and will not ask for this. It’s the ideal gift in that its something they would never buy for themselves but will end up using. Even if they’re not a wannabe influencer who never takes pictures of themselves, it will liven up their zoom meetings.
Tiktok LED room lights
No
This is my own personal taste speaking. If you have a person in your life who has expressly asked for this, get it for them. If you are someone searching for a gift for someone you know who spends a lot of time on TikTok and this seems like a good gift, don’t get it. They’re ugly, they’re flammable, and they’re passe. Most of all they’re ugly. Get creative with it if you want to get someone fun lights for their bedroom. Go buckwild. Get something new and different. Tap into your creative spirit and find something unique. Or buy a sunset lamp. No more colorful LED strips please.
Ice Roller
Yes
Unless the teenage to twenty something girl in your life specifically asks for make-up, don’t give it to her. She will either throw it away immediately, or keep it for several years. Then, when she's 24, she will go through all of her stuff and throw it away, somewhat guiltily never having opened it. Instead get her make-up adjacent stuff. The ice roller works for any skin type and is just fun to do. It feels like self care and is ultimately harmless. No matter if they like makeup or not, all of our skin could use a good ice rolling every once in a while. It's a fun little tool that will never expire or cause breakouts or be detrimental to their overall health.
Mini Brands
No
Christmas is a time for making political statements and making your loved ones suffer because of said statements. If the child in your life asks for Mini Brands, don't get them. If the adult in your life asks for Mini Brands, absolutely don't get them. Donate to Greenpeace or the National Parks Service or something of that ilk instead. Nothing feels so cut and dry bad for the environment and promoter of obvious capitalist overconsumption than mini brands. They are useless plastic whose sole purpose is to get you to buy more plastic. It would be more beneficial to get someone involved in a ponzi scheme than to buy them mini brands.
The Halara dress
No
I have been wary of the Halara Outdoor Voices knock off exercise dress from day 1. They have cheap looking ads and I have not seen one single person from real life buy one. It seems like Shein but worse. Then I saw the Today Show endorse it in their gift guide. Surely they must have done their due diligence, a basic google search of Halara dress to find that the first review that comes up is negative. They must have seen the details about their possibly scammy company with an inaccurate sizing guide. Or even done a little bit of research to find out that all of the positive reviews are brand partnerships and all of the negative reviews are not. No one who isn’t being paid is saying nice things about this dress. If you don’t want the person you get this for to have a meltdown on Christmas because the medium fits like an extra small, don’t get it.
Milk Frother
Maybe
This is perfect for someone who likes coffee but not that much. Someone who owns a french press but a relatively cheap one. Someone who makes their own cold brew but is still getting good at it. Someone who owns an Aeropress, but doesn’t like using it. This is not for anyone who owns a Moka pot or really loves coffee. Ask that person what coffee item they want and get it for them. They know better than any gift guide.
Skin Care Mini Fridge
Yes
Do you want to be your nieces favorite aunt? Do you want to change the life of a teen you know who shops at brandy melville? Are you financially stable enough to ball out? This is the Wii, the Pandora bracelet, the PS5, of this year. It’s stupid and expensive and insane to own but if you want to absolutely buy a child’s love, this is the way to do it.
Finally the perfect gift, for everyone on your list this year,
A Subscription to Memeforum
It’s for the internet savvy overcritical younger brother you are worried is falling down the alt right pipeline. Its for the older sister who spends too much time on tiktok. Your cousin who lives in a big city who has their finger on the pulse. Your mom who can never figure out what those crazy kids are talking about. Your dad who spends too much time on twitter. Your boss who wants you to “make it go viral” without really understanding what that means. Your boyfriend who is on a vastly different side of tik tok from you. Your coworker who’s internet use you can’t make heads or tails of. Even your shut in off the grid neighbor might like it, just to know all the crazy shit on the internet they’re absolutely right to stay away from. Remember, if you're on the internet, you should be reading Memeforum.