Meme Report 9/8
My Worlds On Fire, How Bout Yours? That's The Way I Like It And I'll Never Get Bored
They updated Twitter and I hate it. It looks like shit. Why are the tweets so WIDE. Everything else in my life is going wrong and I’m choosing to focus on this. I haven’t slept well in a week and no matter what I do I don’t feel better. Why don’t tweets have vertical borders anymore? When am I allowed to be happy?
Certified Lover Boy Album Cover
More and more it is weird to me that Drake is the internet’s muse and that everything he does is memed. Why him? Specifically with this album cover, why did it speak to so many people? Why so many corporate people? I don’t know how to explain how I feel about this meme. It was neither half hearted nor enthusiastic. It was neither entirely genuine or entirely manufactured. I am not ambivalent about this meme but it seems to distract from the larger conversation happening around Drake right now. The people who are really plugged in care more about the Kanye/Drake beef. The only thing I can come away with is that it’s weird. It’s something that’s happening that is more or less fine and sometimes funny. It’s really the least of everyone’s worries and not bringing enough joy to distract. I guess that’s it. In these unprecedented times, as it were, we need more to get us through. It’s not dynamic and fun. People are trying their best but the source material isn’t enough to garner a “haha.”
That’s it for Twitter this week, people were mostly talking about all of the horrific things going on in the United States and did not have time for memes. Most of the mindless fun was not on Twitter but on Tiktok. So let’s get into it.
Tiktok
They’re making it easier to sponsor posts which is resulting in some REAL GEMS
The following four memes are being grouped together as the current sounds defining Alt Tiktok. I want everyone to know that REAL Alt Tiktok is only talking about wife swap right now. Most of these sounds are filled with nerds trying to assert how weird and different they are. Making the bad ones worse and bringing down the quality of the good ones.
Girl Bossing in The Name of Allah
Multiple people texted me after last week’s Report asking about Girl Bossing in the name of Allah. It had become so ubiquitous that it had slipped my mind. It was part of the scenery of Tiktok at that point that I had not realized it was special. But it is oh so special indeed. Never has a meme had such range. The very best is Muslim girls making their parents participate. The parents have no idea what’s going on but they’re just happy to support their daughters. They’re not sure what any of the words mean or who is saying them but they do know Allah and they hit their cue when it’s time, just right. They second best which are still very good are Muslim girls imitating their parents defending them to the rest of the family for doing various things that a more conservative family member might not support. These can also feature a parent in the background giving a thumbs up. Once again they don’t understand what is going on, but they are just happy to be supportive. Incredible content. Another great form of this sound is when the girls are in fact, Girl Bossing in the name of Allah. A high schooler who would charge the white girls $5 to look at the hair under her hijab in the bathroom? She is in fact Girl Bossing in the name of Allah. These are the top tier versions of this sound.
The bottom tier versions are white girls using it to say that the Muslim girls they go to school with who show up at 8 am classes dressed to the 9s, are beautiful. This is a fine thing to say on its own but why not say it to them instead of being weird on the Internet? To me, a white girl, it feels like they’re just saying it so they can be included. They want to participate and they simply don’t have to. Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing. Just let the women who are actually gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girlbossing in the name of Allah have this sound. They’re killing it content wise already and they don’t need your help. The absolute bottom tier is people who keep posting videos being like “this sound is so funny and I’m not even muslim” or “why do I keep seeing this? I love it but I’m not muslim”. That’s how Tiktok works. It’s not as straightforward as “you only see people who are exactly like you” You see people generally like you and the more videos you like, the more you will see a sound. Especially if the people making that sound line up with your general demographic. If you’re seeing it a lot and you’re white, it’s probably because those girls are also 18-25, live in a major city, went to college, etc. You might actually have more things in common than things you don’t have in common. It’s not rocket science and doesn’t require a video to say “I love this but why am I seeing it”.
Don’t Be Racist I am a Building
My least favorite thing on the internet is people rallying around how weird they are for liking something that is not that weird. Sure you couldn’t explain this sound to your middle aged not online coworker, but that doesn’t mean it’s the weirdest thing in the world. It's not even the weirdest thing on tiktok. But the people who get this sound a lot have really latched onto it as emblematic of how weird they are. It’s fine. There’s not that many uses for it. It can make me laugh sometimes but more often it seems like people are using it to prove how weird they are. To me it proves that someone is not that weird but is hellbent on being seen that way, despite being mostly normal.
Recently I came out as a soup hater. I don’t like it and I hate that everyone loves it. The only soup I really like is Pho and that's because I like eating it at a restaurant and putting all the different sauces in it. This sound is full of the fucking soup people who won’t shut the fuck up. It’s also full of Adam Driver fans who won’t shut the fuck up. Finally it's from an account called like Marvel sounds or something. Marvel fans insist on thinking they are in some way counterculture and they’re not. They haven’t been for several years, if ever. Beyond that horrible amalgamation of people, the sound itself also sucks. It’s so WET. Adam Driver swallows the words. I can hear the broth still in his mouth and as it slides down his throat. Every single part of this is disgusting to me. I need it off my FYP and I need these people far away from me.
Mostly pet videos. Would be fine if it weren’t in the superfecta of bad memes. Not even the best sound for showing off one’s pet right now. Inoffensive but not the best.
I kind of love this one. I didn’t realize it until I spent all those words talking about how much I hate the other ones but this is one of the good ones right now. I actually enjoy it. I love that it’s mostly girls being told how to do something, or not to do something and flipping it on it’s head. The response from the original commander almost always being “no, not like that”. The most basic example being “You’re not allowed to date boys in high school” so the author dates girls instead. People being restricted by conservatism and turning that on its head to end up happier. They understood the assignment and are better for it.
This meme is as much about romantic archetypes as it is about actually wanting to be with someone. The people in our lives who are hot to us regardless of if they are actually hot. The friend’s older brothers, the kind history teacher, the barista at our local coffee shop. People in positions of power or authority that make them hot by proximity. I love these people and I love when myself and my friends have crushes on these people. It’s the way the world should be. I don’t even think people should necessarily go for it and try to sleep with them. That takes the fun out of it. We don’t actually want them, it’s just nice to slip into fantasy, especially one that could never and should never happen. That’s what this meme gets at as well. Maybe we would leave our spouse right then and there for someone we haven’t spoken to in years but the reality of the situation doesn’t matter. It’s just fun to pretend.
This meme hits me where it hurts. How many times have I woken up with a splitting headache, an upset stomach, and otherwise just generally sore all over, saying I will never drink again, only to rally that night and do it all over again. To me it’s only funny with drinking and only true with drinking. This cycle happens in a matter of twelve hours (or less) and the consequences of drinking are often never that bad (until they are). Those who do not participate in this cycle may not see this in as cute and as funny a way as we do but that’s because we don’t mean it when we say it the first time. Everyone who’s a regular drinker knows this, so no one is horrified to see you at the pregame later that day, despite texting the phrase earlier in the day. When applied to other aspects of life people usually mean it, or believe themselves when they say it. In terms of laborious or dangerous activities, the people saying it truly want to stop in some way and usually wait at least a couple days before doing it again. With drinking the turnaround time is usually quicker which is what makes the initial statement so hollow. “I’ll never drink again” is a different phrase than “I need to stop drinking” or “I need to get sober”. “I’ll never drink again” means nothing except I wish I could feel better right now. It’s a promise to God you know you can’t keep. “I’ll never drink again if my headache goes away!” But the headache doesn’t go away so there’s no reason to stop.
Hands down the best sound for showing off your pet on Tiktok right now. I would like to see the baby. From what I’ve seen it’s mostly fat fluffy cats and I can’t get enough of those guys! They’re great! The Werner Herzog of it all? Even better. That’s a great cat right there. Show me more!
Notes
I’m noticing an uptick in references to History of the Entire World by Bill Wurtz. Don’t know why. Maybe brush up so you don’t think anyone is being creative and original when they are in fact quoting someone else. Don’t worry though, I’ll you anyway.
I have never gotten onboard with a Drake meme. Something about them always feels so hollow. No exception this week….great round-up as usual. Lots of Tik toks to catch up on!