Rumors and Conspiracy Theories Regarding the President’s Death
A watched pot never boils. The hands of fate can sense the collective eagerness, and as long as we are earnestly watching and outwardly hopeful, it will not happen. I could never have fun with this because I knew this is not how it will happen. The common wisdom against conspiracy theories is that nothing in our government works well enough to keep that kind of secret, whatever the secret may be. If Donald Trump died, do you really think everyone would fall in line for silence until the news is released? JD Vance would be doing donuts on the front lawn of the White House before that blonde girl could tearfully fail to give a coherent answer. We would not get 72 hours of speculation before a press conference at 2 in the afternoon.
Performative Male
Everyone wants insulation from being hurt, and unfortunately, we all have to learn the hard way that nothing is sacred. The matcha is not a signifier of a pure heart. The clairo does not absolve one of their sins. Sally Rooney does not save anyone from their true self. The man with the mustache and the earring is as bad as the rest of them. What made you think he would be any different? His accessories? Please.
Dog Food Husband
I don’t think he hates her! Sorry! Every argument that claims the woman with the packed lunch ignores the smoking gun of the whole thing: The Chipotle leftovers. Here’s what happened. The husband is asked to pack her a lunch on short notice because she forgot hers. He, in addition to a full meal, includes a bag of dog food as a joke. It’s hidden so she will find it last, after her nutritious lunch, a well-executed joke. Then he places the Chipotle leftovers on top. We never see how much is in the Chipotle leftovers, but I’ve never seen a woman of her stature come even close to finishing a Chipotle bowl in one sitting. There’s at least half a serving of Chipotle in there. That contains rice, beans, a protein, probably lettuce, and mild salsa. Maybe corn. MAYBE sour cream, but not likely. No cheese. That’s most of a complete meal. Of course, he could only judge by weight, and perhaps he felt it was not enough. I don’t think it’s a crime to put whole packages of food in an emergency lunch when you are unsure of how much Chipotle your wife has left. Would you rather be in a marriage where a man doles out how many cookies he thinks you should eat in a Ziploc bag or a marriage where he gives you the whole package to make sure you have as many as your heart desires? The dog food was to make her laugh, and it did! The Chipotle leftovers are fine in an emergency! The other snacks were to make sure she had enough to eat! I do not think the lack of Ziploc bags is indicative of a simmering hatefulness. In fact, I find the lack of them an expression of love. As for the dog food, she thought it was so funny, she made a video about it!
TikTok
I Am An Autumn
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It's the season of malcontents! Summer is OVER. There is a chill in the air. The leaves are changing in Vermont, and we don’t have to pretend to be having fun anymore. Of course, this relief from the sun awakens a kind of madness in those of us who have been operating at 50% brain power since we started pouring sweat from every crevice in June. Summer is different for everyone, but fall is prescribed. We are chasing the same feeling every year, and it’s the only one that’s pretty achievable. Where every other season is driven by nostalgia, fall has action items that do exactly what they are supposed to. I had pumpkin spice frozen yogurt last night, and as I passed the kids coming home from their first days of school, it felt like fall. It’s only September 3rd. I might get a pumpkin cream cold brew tomorrow. It will feel like fall then, too. I have two-ish more months to make it feel like fall. If I arrive each day ready to seize all that autumn has to offer, I will be rewarded. Even if I don't, the leaves will change, and I will still have to start wearing a coat soon. The people who celebrate the arrival of this season know all of this, and that’s why they diligently return to the sounds of Richard Gilmore.
New Sabrina Carpenter Album, New Sabrina Carpenter Edits
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Ok. I’ll say it. I’ve been charmed by Sabrina Carpenter. She’s got a point of view and an angle that no one else seems to be cornering. What if a pop star were sexy in a way that could only be described as vaudevillian? She was dancing around it before, but I’m on board now that she’s gone full Boop! I can now enjoy the edits people make using her songs. Not that I couldn’t before, but now I can endorse them. They have the Memeforum seal of approval.
Rare Aesthetic
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We haven’t done rare aesthetic in a while, and everyone seems to be following directions this time around, so I’ll allow it, but proceed with caution. People seem to be capturing rare aesthetics that stir something in me. “Flight at 5 am” was a good one. Primary School Globalism really brought back some memories of the progressivism of the early 2000s and how it impacted the aesthetics of my education. Anything that can succinctly capture a feeling in images is impressive to me. This will continue to be interesting as long as it’s evocative.
Schedule Breakdown
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New way to talk about our silly little lives.
thank yewwww I agree about the dog food husband! there are a lot of girls on tiktok whose husbands/boyfriends/etc DO hate them, but I do think he was genuinely just trying to make a joke! felt crazy lol