Justin Timberlake’s Arrest
The world can still surprise you. Not everything that happens is a pre-planned stunt to drive album sales. Sometimes people let their ego get the best of them and we get to see the consequences. Enough people have been praying on my birthday twin’s downfall that it finally happened. It doesn’t hurt that the Sag Harbor Police Department shelled out for the DSLR for their celebrity mug shots. When was the last time we had a fun celebrity arrest? Trump? Reese Witherspoon? Things can’t be all bad. The cop who arrested him was too young to know who he was!
Private Likes
Twitter Users must continue the old traditions of the website. We’re all finding different ways to adapt to the loss of our most gossipy feature. Some are publicly posting their likes and some are crafting their own images reminiscent of forum-signatures. We will bend the website to our will to remember what it used to be. Nothing will beat the thrill of going through someone’s likes. The information one could glean about friends, loved ones, strangers, and enemies, gone forever. It’s a win for privacy and one step closer to closing the panopticon of Twitter. It’s probably good for us in the long run but it feels bad right now and it was definitely done for the wrong reasons.
Making [x] From Scratch
I kind of can’t believe it took us this long to make a Nara smith meme. This meme could only come from a place of affection. We had to settle down and decide that she’s not so bad, in the scheme of things. This meme comes from a place of understanding, or acceptance, or most accurately, complacency. We can understand to some degree that something is wrong there but we’ve failed to cancel her quickly and definitively enough. So she stays and we get to joke around with her whole premise. Now we too can make anything from scratch.
This Was Supposed To Be Her Espresso
We are toiling in the mines to keep espresso relevant. It may be a brat summer but never forget that’s that me espresso. We’ve kind of run out of things to talk about but to keep the conversation going we can now reference other singers and cultural moments.The floodgates are open and now we’re in a race to see who can be the most obscure and also true. It has to be both. “It was supposed to be her espresso” is a more complex statement than some might realize. Sure, one can make the joke that any random song that failed to hit, about coffee or otherwise could have been any pop diva’s espresso but a successful iteration of this meme should hit on the fact that the song made an attempt at being an infectious ear worm. Like Jordan Sparks’ Red Sangria.
Hillary Clinton Singing
Every time Hillary Clinton shows up anywhere in her flowing caftans and delivers some winking speech about being a woman it looks like she’s singing. She is dressed for a grammy’s tribute for someone who’s not dying but will soon be retiring from public life. I always think it’s funny when people make memes that look like she’s singing. It’s just something we have to do.
TikTok
The Old Me is Still Me and I Think She's Pretty
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I’ve decided I’m totally neutral on Billie Eilish. I see no need to write a screed about how much I hate her or heap praise on her somewhat boring songs. In my eyes, she’s fine and capable of producing a hit now and then. This song is not a hit but has an “important” message that a lot of people relate to. That kind of art doesn’t work on me anymore but I’m happy for everyone that they have this. What I do like about this trend is the girls who are angry and violent in defense of their old self. Anyone can be weepy about who they used to be, but to me it displays a better and more evolved sense of self to not only love the version of oneself that was uncool but viciously defend her. That feels like a more honest form of self love than a sentimental reflection.
She Said I Was Wearing Six Inch Louboutins to Court
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We’re losing recipes!!!! If the wannabe It-girls of today don’t remember the point of the Alexis Neiers monologue, what is even the point of them!! She’s not crying on the phone to Nancy-Jo Sales because she thought her expensive shoes were cheap! She’s crying because Nancy-Jo misrepresented her in Vanity Fair. The suspect in fact did not wear Louboutins!! She wore little brown Bebe heels!! 29 dollars!! She is not the spoiled girl of Beverly Hills she was painted as!! In my community, this is a sacred text. It is so much more complex than someone thinking your designer shit looks cheap. Alexis was not trying to be a label whore, she was defending herself from defamation of character. Go back and watch the original clip before screaming on the internet and defacing the good name of Pretty Wild. In fact, consume the whole canon before beginning your TikTok. Learn your history.
Which Could Mean Nothing
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Ben Affleck’s marriage is on the rocks. One particular subsection of the internet is very excited about this prospect. The people who think Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are in love. I mean they are in love but many want them to consummate their relationship and cut the girls out of the equation. This camp is the most vocal because they have a phrase to unite under. “Which Could Mean Nothing” was coined by Lainey Gossip about the nature of Ben and Matt’s relationship in 2021 but has gained popularity as Ben’s life delves deeper into chaos. Everyone can have their fun but the Garner Girls will have our day again. Say what you will about these distractions but I know that true love will win out and the one true #Bennifer will reunite.
LMAO omg I did not expect my tweet to be in this (private likes)! real!
& Now Nara Smith is being accused of plagiarism!!
Meme to cancelation pipeline ?