Meme Report 5/28
Euphoria has made me Insane.
Euphoria
I’d like to talk to you all about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. If I were given complete creative control over a season of television where my entire job was to shock and awe with no chance for anything more, I would blow the whole thing up. What’s the most audacious thing you can do on television? It’s probably the second coming of Christ, and I think that’s what all of this is leading up to, or I think that’s what we’re being led to believe. I can’t tell if we’re actually going to get it and one of our girls is going to be absolved after all this (my money is on Sydney Sweeney, whore to Madonna) or if it’s going to be some kind of fake out.
Say what you will about the hyper vigilant theory people who can’t seem to follow a story, they do love to notice details and feed discourse. I miss them, and they’ve been quiet ever since it turned out that Jules’ sugar daddy was just some guy and not Nate. Had this show come out two years ago, there might be other voices talking about the Jesus foreshadowing I’m seeing. I feel crazy and alone. I know that I’m wrong, but I don’t know how. If I’m right, I can say, I see you, Sam Levinson, and I know what you’re going for. I saw it all along.
The religious imagery is a little muddled, so it’s not easy to track who exactly is going to be saved and what story is being told. As always, I’m not sure what is on purpose. Here’s what I have: Maddie’s Virgin Mary dress at the end of the last episode paints an obvious picture, as well as Cassie on her knees being comforted by Maddie. The burning bush we spent the whole episode talking about was a named and acknowledged biblical allegory, but in the last shot, we see Rue’s head in front of the burning Joshua Tree, making it look like a crown of thorns, like the one my guy JC wore. Rue is also a snitch and a turncoat, making her a Judas figure. Nate suffered, died, and was buried, but was ultimately killed by a snake. The season also started with an apple being placed on Rue’s head, and while we all picked up on the William Tell allusion, we may have missed an allusion to the most famous apple in storytelling. Especially with the arrival of the snake. Lexi is a virgin at 25. I hope that’s relevant to all this, and she’s been a bit of a doubting Thomas if I do say so myself. There was a lot of angel imagery with Jules already, but not much this season. However, she’s a painter, so maybe she’s the Da Vinci or Michelangelo of this story. We’ll see. I hope I’m right and I hope I’m wrong. We’ve already done sex and politics; why not religion? It’s a mix of Old Testament and New so it’s not really coherent, but that’s not why we’re here, is it? I’ll see you all on Sunday.
Notes
One of my favorite genres is someone giving a performance on an HBO show that they thought was going to make waves, when in reality, no one cares. Welcome, Natasha Lyonne in Euphoria to that canon! You are joined by Skylar Gisondo in The Righteous Gemstones after season 1, and everyone in the cast of True Detective season 2.
Alexa Demi most compelling screen presence. She is the only character with agency and the only character it seems with the ability to make choices, and boy does she make them!
I am tired of Sydney in that stupid wig.
This episode was an hour and a half??? UNEARNED. Un. Earned.
Are those Laurie’s sons or just guys that work for her? I’ve been too afraid to ask.
George Glass
When I was in high school, I remember walking in on a Monday and hearing some loud nerdy freshman talking to their friends and repeating “I’ve never heard of a George Glass at our skul.” The clip had been making the rounds on Tumblr over the weekend, and it was a big hit in the salad days of 2015. Now, 11 years later, the clip is making the rounds again, beat for beat. Why does this one scene from The Brady Bunch movie have this much staying power? Especially when Gen Z has little to no reference point for The Brady Bunch? Funny is funny, and comedy that plays on archetypes will always work. We understand a pretty bitchy older sister and a nerdy younger sister who lies to seem cool. You don’t need to know the Brady Bunch to get the clip. The absurdist humor plays right to Gen Z sensibilities, and they will crucify me for saying this, but the best comedies are the ones that could be cut up and posted on TikTok with very little context. What is a TikTok but a sketch? What is a good comedy but a handful of good sketches? It’s why Airplane! still more or less hits, and why everyone liked The Naked Gun last year. The same principles apply universally across the medium of video, even though the length and where the clip plays might change. Also, people know The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch weirdly has a lot of staying power. Probably because the theme song and opening credits have been parodied consistently for the past 50 years. Old people are kind of constantly referencing it. It’s the story of a lovely lady, etc., etc.
Brian Johnson
If we’ve learned nothing else in all of our time on Twitter, it’s that lives are long and, despite adages otherwise, seem to be entirely made up of second acts. Brian Johnson began as another Silicon Valley entrepreneur driven by ego and insanity. He believed that he was the smartest in the room, and that meant he could figure out living forever. Every 3 months, a post of his would gain traction, and we would all make fun of him for his clueless over shares, but because he didn’t seem to be outright evil (just crazy), we couldn’t help but gain some affection for the nerd. We’re somewhat charmed by him. When he fell in love with his research assistant (which we all saw coming), his posts took on a sweetness. There was a reason for him to live forever besides proof that he could do it. He’s recently revealed that he’s including Kate in his trying to live forever project. He revealed this by sharing the metrics of her vaginal microbiome with us. While this is a lot for a woman most of us only know through his posts, it means that he’s doing intensive studies on her endometriosis, which could be the most intensive studies on endometriosis ever completed. The study of gynecology has an unlikely ally in the man who wants to live forever. We might have to include him in our little poems about Love being the mother of invention. It’s goldfish, Wordle, and comprehensive care for endometriosis from the Mad Scientist. I’m excited to see how this ends! The other thing about Kate is that she has made him more reckless in his anti-aging pursuit, realizing that some things are worth getting older for. This whole saga makes him more interesting to those who got bored of making fun of him. A billionaire falling in love is a much better arc than yet another ego maniac subjecting us all to their Twitter essays.
Cotton Workout Clothes
It’s always something! I believe it was the great feminist scholar Gwyneth Paltrow who said that life was about finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu. In the time of microplastics and MAHA, it can be difficult to know what we should actually be afraid of and avoid. While I appreciate the aesthetic of 2000s workout clothes, I think all they have to offer is nostalgia. I’ll take my synthetic sweat-wicking technology. We know better now. I also believe the workout room should be a primal place free from fashion’s influence. We should all be wearing leggings and the ugliest t-shirt you can find. Even primary colors are too far for me. Polyesther lives to fight another day.
TikTok
She Had No Idea They Were Gonna Play in Her Face
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SpongeBob memes are cake and ice cream to kids like us. The only bad part is crashing when you’ve given yourself too much simple pleasure. This meme is nothing special, but everyone is firing on all cylinders. Look how high we can go! Look what we still remember how to do! Remember the good old days when we could do this once a week? That month when we found a new Mr. Krabs meme every day? The real estate agent from the opposite day episode is less of a rich character than Mr. Krabs or other Bikini Bottom favorites, but we do what we can with what we have. If I were a gambler, I would have bet we’d get around to her eventually. Not much talk about the hash-slinging slasher as of late, though. Or SpongeBob’s grandma. Or Squilliam Fancyson. Let’s run those back.
Four Ways to Say Something
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Deep down in the places that you don’t talk about parties, you want to do acting exercises. You want to do improv. That’s why we all make fun of actors and theater kids because they’re freer than the rest of us. Yet... give us all enough time and an audience, and even the most normie TikTok influencer who seems to have no talent or real desire to actually act will be drawn to “glad, sad, mad” and other theater games. Sure, there are those of us who don’t like these things and think they aren’t fun, but I believe there is a great middle of people who have been taught shame and would actually enjoy a theater game or two if given the chance. That’s why every 3rd tiktok trend is an acting exercise.
Equation Vibe
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I’m glad we’re finally talking about this. Let’s get into it. Let’s talk about the vibes different equations, specifically the multiplication tables, give off and match them to people. I’ve always seen myself as a 3 x 7 = 21 kinda girl. That one always really spoke to me. I also always loved that the 9 multiplication table, when you got there, was really elegant and classy, whereas I found 8 to be just so rugged and bizarre. Ideally, this post has the most comments of anything I’ve written because it’s everyone saying which multiplication table matches their vibe.
Dibs on 7x11=77
i have been living for your weekly Euphoria take, no one is doing it like you girl 😭 6x7=42 💅🏼