This is why we do it, folks. This is what it’s all about! Every time I forget the purpose of Twitter, an event happens that makes me remember why I return to this town square we’ve cultivated every day. It is fun to gather with like-minded idiots and faux intellectuals to comment on the day’s events. The bigger the event, the better. American Pope is one of the best days in recent memory and will keep me returning to the well for at least another 6 months. Another 6 months of putting up with the craziest dumbest, and most AI-generated people in the world. I can’t remember what else happened this week. We got a new pope!
American Pope
Biggest Upset of the conclave. The Pope is American. We didn’t even consider it in the realm of possibility. Of course, it seems to signal that we are in deep trouble on the world stage. If the Catholic Church thinks America needs more power in any way, something is wrong. The good news is that it’s not more power, it’s opposing power. Now we’re doing it versus. It’s almost an act of contempt. But for now, all we see it as is cause for celebration. U! S! A! U! S! A!
Woke Pope
Is the pope... woke? The problem with the Catholic Church (among many) is that just when you think they’re gonna zig, they zag, which makes pinning down their wokeness almost impossible. Of course, if you believe everyone should suffer and only “converted” to catholicism because you viewed it as more extreme Christianity, honey, you got a big storm coming. If you also came to Catholicism post-Conclave or in the time of Pope Francis, you might think catholicism is a kind of “cool” Christianity. A lot of people seemed new to the game and thought we could get a truly woke pope. They do not understand that the rest of us are hedging our bets. This pope is the wokest we can ask for before he’s just an episcopalian.
Chicago Pope
This is the most interesting part of the new pope for me. The first American pope is from Chicago. So now we know. There’s been a quiet competition since they started letting the Irish come to America, which of the major cities is the most Catholic? I think we all always knew the answer was Chicago. They have the most variety and are on an island among the protestants. Los Angeles is the most Catholic statistically, and Boston is the most catholic in terms of talking about how catholic you are, but both cities are surrounded by Catholics. So they lack a certain level of suffering that God’s favorite catholic city would have. New York has good numbers but they have good numbers of everyone. Philadelphia has too many quakers. New Orleans has too much fun. Everyone else was in the running for second, a meek shall inherit the earth kind of race but everyone falls short against that small outpost in the middle of the country.
Villanova Pope, etc.,
The election of an American pope means many petty rivalries are settled for the time being. The Pope went to an American Catholic college, so that world is all abuzz with dunks and bragging rights. The same week, the Knicks beat the Celtics with 3 Villanova grads leading the team. It’s all happening, and it’s all the will of God. This information falls under the same category as “White Sox fan Pope” and “No Ketchup on Hot Dogs Pope.” There are now a bunch of local rivalries whose playfully heated conversations end with “yeah but the pope is on our side.” That’s what the American pope is all about! Every stupid argument has a trump card. Before that didn’t matter to Americans. Now, the Pope likes Deep Dish Pizza!!
TikTok
West Village Girls
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It’s not that we’ve reached the apex of discourse about Gentrification in New York, but we have reached a saturation point that makes the objectively correct team hard to side with. They don’t need another half informed person trying to be on the right side of history by any means necessary. More people know about the argument than know how to argue it. The same thing happened to feminism in the 2010s. A topic of debate becomes so popular and simplified that, despite the loudest people being correct, their solutions and approach obscure the truth of the issue. Everyone knows about gentrification and why its bad, not everyone knows how to fix it or stop it.
It then becomes the job of the popular media to stoke outrage. The most annoying people in the world are rich white women in their 20s, and we all know there’s not an ounce of misogyny in that statement. It’s just class consciousness that makes us hate them. That’s why they’re hated by everyone, including rich white men in their 20s, and upper middle class white women in their 20s, and most relevant to the article, rich white women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They’re an easy target, just reference them as the harbingers of doom everyone believes them to be. Proof that everything is getting worse because these particularly evil young women like it.
And I Booked The Flights
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The type A love to hold it over the rest of us that if we didn’t have their incessant anxiety about planning, we would be nowhere in this world. They forget they chose this. The rest of us can book flights and hotels and make restaurant reservations, we just know that it would unsettle the type A person among us. They chose this role, and if they were to also choose an effective anti-anxiety med, they could relinquish control and learn to make the best of a situation. My favorite part of these videos is when the person who does everything gets further down their pre-trip to-do list and is lording having completed a completely unnecessary task over their travel companions. Type A people want to believe that a perfect trip itinerary has every hour scheduled, but as we all know, the best moments from vacation are the unplanned ones. Whatever happened to exploring when we get there? What happened to taking a longer-than-expected nap? What happened to feeling out the vibe? All necessary and enjoyable experiences the type As among us forget or want us to forget. You’ll never get me, and I will be engaging in the time honored activity of just seeing what happens.