Meme Report 4/6/26
Extra! Extra! Bald Ann Dowd Meets Real Ann Dowd!
Announcement: Euphoria Season 3 starts Sunday
I kept asking the universe for something distracting to care about, and through a cruel twist of fate, I got what I wanted. Euphoria is a commitment I forgot I made in the Summer of 2019, when my post-grad boredom needed anything to look forward to. The show got Zendaya her Emmy and brought us Jacob Elordi and Sydney Sweeney. It legitimized Maude Apatow, Hunter Schafer, and Barbie Ferrara. At what cost? Euphoria Season 3 is how we pay the piper. No one involved still wants to be here, yet here we are. Everyone is going to come out of the woodwork to Have Opinions. I’ll be discussing both the episodes and the conversation around them. If you need a place for your Euphoria Opinions that is not Twitter, I’m here for you. I’ll keep drinking that garbage.
Bald Ann Dowd Meets Real Ann Dowd
The voice of the internet for a while now has been Twitter user Bald Ann Dowd. She’s a funny 20-something who lives in New York City, loves television, movies, and general pop culture. I remember the first time I read one of her tweets and saw the username Bald Ann Dowd. Oh, how I laughed. The more she tweets, the more we like her, the more we like her, the more opportunities she gets. The more opportunities she gets, the more we like her. She just seems like a really nice girl. At some point, it became clear that Real Ann Dowd would have to meet her, and I’m glad it took this long. As much as I love that this happened, we all have to admit that it’s the end of something. BAD has completed her arc. We’re still invested, and she can always do more, but now that’s up to her. The story we’ve all been telling together up until the point is over.
American Woodcock
Something I hate about our new culture post-internet is that someone will say something like “I’m really into birds right now,” and what they mean is that they saw the same tweet that I did about the American Woodcock in Bryant Park. We’ve confused human interest stories we would have read in the morning paper in any other time with our own hobbies. I don’t really care about birds, but I’m happy for everyone who does. In 3 months, I’m going to ask everyone who told me about this about their latest bird sightings, and if they can’t come up with any I’m going to suggest they find hobbies they can sustain an interest in long term. Then we’ll talk about a tweet I saw that I’m trying to pass off as my new interest and/or hobby.
New ORod
New Olivia Rodrigo album on its way! She just broke up with her boyfriend after moving to London for him! I like her and her attempt to be Fiona Apple by way of Radio Disney. She’s still dressing like a little girl, which I’m ehh about. She’s 23. Put on a pantsuit! Jk, but I would have loved a subtle elevation of her look so she could more easily separate herself from her teenage years, but I guess we’re going with swings and Peter Pan collars. How much longer are we supposed to mourn your teenage years? When can she shed the Radio Disney influence and try to be an adult?
The Pitt
What was last year’s best drama, and the hope for modern television has devolved into a total mess on Twitter, the arbiters of taste. As I’ve said before, I don’t watch The Pitt because I don’t watch Hospital shows, but watching people watch The Pitt has quickly become my favorite pastime. The show comes out once a week, and it’s mostly medical garbage that’s not interesting, with about 5 minutes of character development per the cast’s 1000 characters. The people on Twitter must turn this into a week of analysis, and there’s not much to go on because next week we’ll pick up right where we left off, down to the minute. It is crazy making if you’re that kind of fan. Watching them go crazy is really fun. As for the behind-the-scenes drama, I think you’re allowed to have speculations and notice a pattern of behavior, but I think we can’t accuse people of being abusive to the staff based on vibes and connected dots. I can’t wait until next year when watching The Pitt is considered a guilty pleasure by good upstanding woke TV watchers and Landman, the most watched show in America, continues to be consumed uncritically.
Ben Lerner
I love book people. I can’t get enough of them. Their gossip is incredible because they act like their industry could still create Gore Vidal or Susan Sontag. And they all think they’re going to be that person, except they’re all shut-ins who won’t go on Subway Takes, which is the Charlie Rose of today. Sarah J Maas went on Call Her Daddy. That’s the culture. So all of their arguments about the best living novelist are really funny because it’s just their consensus plus book sales, while everyone else reads Heated Rivalry. In my understanding, Ben Lerner is a Jonathan Franzen type who is less popular but more well-liked. Jonathan Franzen is David Foster Wallace for stupid people (adjusted for inflation), and all of them are trying to be some combination of or reaction to Hemingway and Fitzgerald. It’s fun to watch them build this in real time while the rest of America doesn’t care.
TikTok
Easter marks the official transition from looking at poor people’s houses on the internet to looking at rich people’s houses on the internet. In the winter, everyone is inside, and so we see a lot of people’s ugly houses. In the summer, rich people are inside because they can afford air conditioning. I look forward to a long summer of looking at the interiors of various beach houses and trying to guess if the people in them are happy.
Carl’s a Mess
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The Summer House Drama continues as we wait for various cast members to prepare and release statements. For Kyle, this is a victory lap. He can say whatever he wants, and as long as it comes off even halfway gracious or understanding, the world will love him. His statement featured the takeaway “Carl’s a mess,” which everyone latched onto immediately. What does Carl have to do with anything? Well, he’s on the show, and despite everything wrong with Kyle, he is a good friend. Everyone else gets a natural storyline out of this except Carl, but now he’s the only thing we’re talking about. The boys always come out on top.
The Other Bennet Sister
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Girls. Stand Up. I understand in the world of mousy book girls, Pride and Prejudice is a very important text. It’s foundational to their whole thing. I get it! I like the Joe Wright adaptation too! In the game of “which one am I?” that we all play when given multiple characters, no one is supposed to pick Mary. Not because no one is Mary, but because you shouldn’t think that low of yourself. If you think you’re the plain, boring one, you’re Elizabeth! If you’re the pretty blonde one, you’re Jane, and if you’re a slut you’re Lydia. If you read Pride and Prejudice and go, “I’m the ugly one who’s bad at piano!” you need to think better of yourself. It makes me sad that there are people who read or watch Pride and Prejudice and find the saddest, smallest character and decide to be that one. Be Elizabeth!! I’m Caroline Bingley because I’m mean and I love to gossip.