Meme Report 4/23

Before Close of Business On Wednesday

Substack Notes

Emma Horsedick

Congratulations, Substack Notes!! You got your first meme!!! Everyone took a break from Trying Too Hard to have a bit of a laugh. It was of course because the site became briefly overrun with porn bots and a fake woman named Emma Horsedick was spamming users. I was not getting spammed which makes me dismissive of everyone else’s fun. Do I want to be spammed by a bot named Emma Horsedick? No, but it hurts my feelings that I'm not important enough to be annoyed. The meme falls under the category of “Fake Camaraderie”, because even when everyone on Substack notes is not purposely Trying Too Hard, they do have that air about them. Fake camaraderie can and often does lead to real camaraderie. One of these days, we actually all might get along. Download the app today to get in on the potential fun! I get nothing from you downloading the app except the hope that if I land in Substack’s good graces, I might be targeted by the next Emma Horsedick 🤩. It’s all about playing the long game.

Twitter
The world lost a great Catholic leader on Monday. Pope Francis was my favorite of the 3 popes I've lived through. Mostly because his election was so scandalous. I remember the feeling of defeat when Benedict was enacted. "Is that all there is to a conclave?" Almost immediately people started doing the math to realize he had a... suspicious overlap with the Nazi party in Germany. My first new pope, and it wasn't even a good one. Pope Francis's election had several threads of excitement. His progressive beliefs were a nice addition. With a Jesuit at the helm, the Catholic church had a little PFLAG flair. There are 3 memes that came to be popular in the wake of his death, and I'd like to discuss them.

Pope Francis (The Father)

This is when I'm going to get mean. Pope Francis was an interesting cultural figure not only because he's the Pope but because he's one of the only statesmen who my generation recognizes as bringing honor to their job. This is the only time we feel we were met in the middle. Our elders have tried to instill in us the notion of “respecting the office,” even if we don't respect the man in it, and Pope Francis is one of the few people to earn my generation's reverence in this respect. Because of this, a lot of self-righteous and semi-self-serious people have pulled out their earnest favorite Pope Francis quote. Except it's all the same quote. I know a faux intellectual when I spot one! Either you all happen to love that quote out of all the Pope Francis quotes you know, of which there are a lot, because the man's main job was addressing the public, or you only know the one. Which is fine. It's allowed, but you have to see it reads a little insincere. My favorite Pope Francis quote? It's hard for me to pick just one!

JD Vance Killed the Pope (The Son)

I believe it was Mr. Krabs who said, "The Boy Cries you a sweater of tears, and you kill him." Though it doesn’t exactly fit in this situation, the sentiment remains the same. I would say the work of the Pope is similar to crying all of those in his flock a sweater of tears. Does he not weep for our mortal souls? And how does JD Vance repay the favor? Who's to say? All we know is what immediately happened after. It's obviously cringe and Reddit to say JD Vance killed the pope. I'm more interested in how JD responds. It's less that he "killed" the Pope and more that he should feel immense guilt at the idea of the Pope dying so soon after their meeting and intense shame of being the puny mortal who had the honor of being the last one to meet the Pope. Of course, he's all smiles. What else would you expect from an adult convert?

Conclave (The Holy Spirit)

Yee haw! We got ourselves a conclave! I don't necessarily know if this is where we separate the real from the fake, but it's definitely where we separate those who love rules, pomp, and circumstance from the people who just want to talk about a movie. This is when Catholics earn our white smoke jokes, because the way it feels in these days is what all of this is about. To eagerly be waiting on news from Rome to learn who the newly elected leader of God's kingdom here on earth is, sooo exciting. It's like the 2020 election vote counting, but for religion. It’s what makes all of this worth it. You can pick your own definitions for "all of this" and "worth it".

Blob Gif

I've been neglecting a new gif on the scene. The Blob from Monsters versus Aliens, a now forgotten DreamWorks movie that once loomed large in the childhoods of Zillenials during the spring of 2009, has taken on a starring role late in life. Like an aging starlet returning to the big screen for her dramatic turn that wins her an Oscar, Blob from the Blob has a second life as the representative of high-status confusion for that same age group. Some might not recognize the once iconic blob, but I'm happy to see his familiar face on the timeline. Someone I thought lost to childhood returned to us, in a new adult form. Our playmate once again.

Anxiety

Ok, bad news for everyone on Doechii Watch. It turns out she is fallible, and it's because she let popularity get in the way of artistry. Every genius on their run eventually takes the bait of commercialism, which leads to their demise. Tale as old as time. It's sad that Doechii took it this early for TikTok clout. She's unfortunately fallen from the category of mastermind. She can get back there, but she needs to take some time. This song is less than her best, and everyone seems to know it but her. Of course, the Anxiety song is popular. We all have Anxiety but only the simpletons among us would love a song that addresses it with all the artistry of a WebMD summary. Everyone with a hint of artistic integrity sees it as a cash grab, and everyone else simply dislikes it. It’s a rough spot to be in for someone who, only a few weeks ago, was seen as an unshakeable genius.

TikTok
I’m So Hungry I Could Eat

@greenappleblowpop1 @greenappleblowpop1 ♬ original sound - Mk

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Some of the hardest times I've ever laughed in my life have been when I am deeply hungover, surrounded by my friends who are also deeply hungover, while one of us says something stupid from behind our phones. It's never a perfectly delivered joke, but our collective delayed reaction times and the oddness of the moment makes these some of my most cherished memories. These videos somewhat capture those moments. I love the weirdness of the meme. I love trying to goad a reaction out of someone that is just a reaction. Not one of anger or embarrassment or surprise or tears. Something much more complex and mundane than that. The kind that can only lead to laughter at no one’s expense.

party 4 U

Creative writing exercise time!!! When you hear this song, what kind of doomed romantic scenario plays in your mind? As with any creative writing project, some are good uses of the song, some are sophomoric, and some are simply underdeveloped. I'm not a monster and can be swayed by some good writing, but there’s only so much self-pity I can handle.