Twitter
TikTok Ban Message
The only unexpected part of the TikTok ban is that they actually did it. For 8 whole hours. It was more or less a big show, so that in the end, like every social media app, they could align themselves with Trump. They sent us a message and like every other message we’ve received about our descent into fascism, we ignored it and pasted Lana Del Rey’s question for the culture over it. I’m not psyched about everything happening right now, but you cannot fool me into believing a TikTok ban will ever be anything more than a show of strength to China that we always lose. It’s never going to happen. Americans are too annoying to have anything that makes any money be taken away from us. The apps have no value except monetarily. We may all have these theories about why they’re trying to take it away from us but the only thing that matters despite whatever values everyone involved claims to have, the ultimate motivator is money. And not the money that comes from custom resin paperweight small businesses
Chop Hoe
I thought I knew what this meant until I asked my youth correspondent and she informed me that I was mistaken. "Chop" in this context does not refer to one’s ugliness as I originally thought but "Chop" as in "Over" or "Chopped" like the television show Chopped. It is the personification of it being so over. Once it is so over, you are become Chop Hoe. Never forget the internet is a creative space where we are always finding new ways to conjugate our newly formed phrases.
TikTok
Look who’s back after their little tantrum.
Since We’re All Gonna Die
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My favorite part of the ban was logging in the next day and seeing everyone's last-minute confessions still up. I genuinely cannot believe you all thought the ban would be permanent. I wish it had been. I wish I were free of this curse, but unfortunately, I am stuck here with all of you. Except now there’s been a revelation that many of you are not the gifted political minds I once thought you were,
Reels
We need to talk about reels. Reels is so distinctly a knockoff, the likes of which the internet has never seen before. Most knockoffs on the internet have the benefit of being less corporate, so the trade-off for being more junky is accepted. Reels is a very corporate attempt to be fun with an algorithm that seemingly has no interest in figuring out if you’re gay, autistic, or otherwise unknown to yourself. Because Instagram has all your data already there’s no point in investing in reels. Both from their perspective and our perspective. If I can’t see angsty edits about the lesbians from Yellowjackets set to Taylor Swift songs, I’m not interested.
Omg Chatham mention