Twitter
Where Do I Get This Hat?
Nicole Scherzinger preemptively lost her Tony this week. I firmly believe that she did not respond to that hat because she loves Trump but because she loves Jesus and doesn’t understand messages that are more complex than their face value. Several people on the internet are convinced that everyone knows exactly what they're doing when they discuss or signal politics. While I believe that’s true for some celebrities I’m willing to believe that any pop star who barely went to high school doesn’t. Unfortunately for her, it doesn’t matter. Either way the phrase “Where do I get this hat?” opens you up to ridicule. Most hats are ugly and wearing them is a mistake. Even the best-looking hat is a neutral addition. Being openly covetous of a hat is setting oneself up for failure as we can see in the meme. We have more disastrously ugly hats to pull from in culture than passable ones.
You Block People Over Politics?
We forget that the main objective of this billion-dollar industry is having fun on the computer. The block button can and should be deployed against anyone at any time. There is a belief among the polite but unkind that the block button should be used sparingly and only when necessary. Wrong!! You can block anyone at any time for any reason because they are interfering with your main goal of having fun on the computer. Politics is one of the most valid reasons to block someone but so is posting too much about the television show Supernatural.
Ron’s Been Splinched
Don’t sit here and tell me that you guys actually find this funny. Are we elevating a clip of Ariana Grande on Las Culturistas to an earnest meme? I get the desire to latch onto anything new right now but I can’t do this. I don’t want to reference fucking harry potter even in a passing moment. Talking about this in an effort to talk about anything else is not a solution to our problem. It’s inauthentic. I like Las Culturistas as a podcast and when it’s good it’s really good. This clip strikes me as too sappy in an attempt to be funny. I’m so happy for everyone who got to be in the Wicked movie and I think Ariana Grande can be funny but there’s no reason we have to give her yet another win. Especially an unearned one like this. We all want to tell the pretty girl she’s so funny but this is a step too far.
Leftist Joe Rogan
To make sense of the election our worst minds have been trying to present us with a quick and easy solution to all of our problems: leftist Joe Rogan. God thats it! That’s so simple! Why didn’t we think of it before?? After a week of thinking about it, I’m glad this is what we have to show for our post-election bounce back. Leftist Joe Rogan is almost as good as “Make It 1997 again by Science or magic”. The real solution is we need to teach all young men to tap dance. Male loneliness problem begone. They don’t need to talk and think more. They need to dance.
TikTok
Flipping the Camera
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It’s been a while since we’ve innovated the form. Most times we understand what’s about to happen but sometimes we don’t. Sometimes the trick is effective. It helps that the supposed author of these videos is kittens, puppies, and babies and the reveal is always a sweet little face that can’t act. The videos themselves are not groundbreaking content-wise but most things that play with form do so in sacrifice of story.
Republican Guess Who?
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After the election, a couple of our favorite guilty pleasure influencers went full mask off and revealed they are republicans. I’m not saying everyone on TikTok has to get better at stereotypes but at least be cautious of the ones that are relevant to your life. You should be able to make at least an educated guess that rich people in red states tend to lean conservative. Do some reading on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Familiarize yourself with the history of the republican party. It’s a game the rest of us are playing all the time, you’re old enough to join in now.
16 Carriages
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We needed this. We needed this. When was the last time Beyonce had an organic viral moment? It’s been a minute but it’s proof of something. The apparatus still works. Beyonce still has a hold on us months after the album is released. We can still make jokes and let off some steam using 5 seconds of a song and a gesture. It’s not over yet.
Justice for hat haters has been served 😁