Meme Report 10/6
And I Will! I Will Go Into Heavy Detail
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Soaking
My apologies for missing this one last week. It’s a shame because the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is one of my favorite topics. I want to spend my whole life learning new things about Mormon culture. Soaking is not one of my favorites but it is interesting. Whenever people learn about a strict religion that prevents young people from having sex the question is always, ok but they must actually have sex right? And with Mormons the answer is never a simple yes or no. They always seem to trick themselves into some form of cognitive dissonance to affirm that what they’re doing isn’t a sin. They don’t think they’re having sex, even though that is by all technical definitions that is what they’re doing. This one is the most salacious mormon reveal in recent memory but not my personal cup of tea. I prefer the secrets of religious ceremonies or the more day to day cognitive dissonance. This is middling in my view but if it brings more people to the world of researching the mormon church and sharing the crazy facts we learn, I’ll allow it.
Mrs. Met
MEET THE METS, MEET THE METS, Step right up and greet the Mets! Bring your kiddies, bring your wife; Guaranteed to have the time of your life because the Mets are really sockin' the ball; knocking those home runs over the wall! East side, West side, everybody's coming down to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York town! Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the streets, where did they go? To MEET THE METS! Oh, they're hollerin' and cheerin' and they're jumpin' in their seats, where did they go? To MEET THE METS! All the fans are true to the orange and blue, so hurry up and come on down 'cause we've got ourselves a ball club, The Mets of New York town! Give 'em a yell! Give 'em a hand! And let 'em know your rootin' in the stand! Come on and MEET THE METS, MEET THE METS, Step right up and greet the Mets! Bring your kiddies, bring your wife; Guaranteed to have the time of your life because the Mets are really sockin' the ball; knocking those home runs over the wall! East side, West side, everybody's coming down to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York town! Of New York town! Let’s go Mets, baby love da Mets.
Drake The Type Of Guy…
We really can’t get enough of this dude. He is the corniest person in the whole world and yet sometimes he makes a good song. If all of his songs were laughably bad, this would not be as fun as it is. Even his corny songs are still good. Only Drake could get away with writing a song called “I’m Upset” and still have it be listenable and one of the best songs on that album. This most recent meme is playing on his cartoonishness. It’s not the funniest Drake meme but it is the most reflective of his character. We’re all fed up with this guy and his nonsense. Even if you still like his music, you have to admit, Drake is the kind of guy to smell a pie baking on windowsill. We’re finally getting to the bottom of this whole thing and admitting Drake is the least cool person alive. Once we figure that out maybe we can finally talk about that whole Millie Bobby Brown Situation.
Grimes Marx Paparazzi Pics
I am so sick of this French-Canadian bitch. Nothing she does is interesting anymore. It was so obviously a troll but her quote on it being a troll was so annoying. Someone made a list of things Grimes should do in her post break up pivot. The thing about Grimes is that she’s done the weird thing so she can’t weirder as any kind of pivot and any normie push would feel inauthentic. Any idea you throw at me for the Grimes rebrand I can see coming from a mile away and I’m just not interested. Focus on the music and then we can talk about creative direction.
Instagram Down
Instagram, Facebook, and Whatsapp were all down yesterday. Everyone was thrown into a tizzy. While this is big news in relation to the size of the outage and proximity to the whistleblower interviewer, some of you were really not taking it well. Instagram is bad for your brain and your self esteem, especially if you’re a woman who’s been using it since you were a teenager. So is all social media but Instagram is the most transparent about making you feel bad about yourself and trying to get you to buy something to feel better. All of this is evil but Instagram really feels like an obvious pit of despair. We all know it’s evil and bad for us and yet we go back. We should all get self esteem work books for the next time Instagram goes down so we can undo the venomous self hatred we let fester while we scroll. Everyone had their jokes for Facebook and the QAnon moms but I feel the same way about Instagram. One incredible day where we weren’t being bombarded with all the ways we were failing as a person in comparison to our acquaintances. The memes were fine but I was too filled with despair at the state of the world.
TikTok
The moment we’ve all been waiting for, my take on couch guy. He’s definitely cheating on her in some capacity. If he hasn’t already, he’s going to soon. This video needed all these levels of various scrutiny because we needed to prove to the girl in the video that she is in fact in denial, which is an impossible task. I know everyone is being super mean to the girl but here’s the thing, high school sweethearts who decide to go long distance for college are a messy breakup waiting to happen. Showing off your bad decision to the public is part of the mess. Do not pull your idiocy on full display if you don’t want to be called an idiot. High School couples have all the evidence available to them that this will not work out and yet they choose to ignore it anyway. Everyone but them knows how this ends. If you want people to be on your side, don’t be a college freshman in a long distance relationship. Next, we have the evidence in the room. Every single person in that room is uncomfortable. We can see it on everyone’s face. The girl watched the video and thought it reflected all the things she wanted to project about herself and posted it. She had so many outs for this to not happen to her and yet here we are, weeks deep in discourse. No one made her do anything that she did in the lead up to the video. Every decision from not breaking up in August, to buying the plane ticket, to fighting people in the comments was her decision. I understand that logic often fails in matters of the heart but that doesn’t mean we should always ignore it outright. At a certain point, we have to be mean to people who are in dead end relationships because they won’t open their eyes. Nothing else is working. The memes are fine but they are run off of the more pressing issue, which is please please please break up with couch guy. You can find a skinny white boy who is semi decent at Purdue. I promise you. Also if she had any sense at all she would take it down and go private but she won’t do that. If anything like this happens to you dear reader, take down the video and private your account. It does not mean you are ashamed, it means you understand the concept of damage control and don’t want to be the internets punching bag for weeks on end.
I like this meme because people are fighting back against pop psychology diagnoses but enough with the fucking Bo Burnham. It’s been four solid months of the most annoying people I’ve ever come into contact with trying to prove their interesting and funny. Get a fucking hobby and stop trying to diagnose me with ADHD. I did a twitter poll and my followers said I don’t have it, so try something new.
Conor McGregor is 155 pounds of pure Irish rage. I used to think he was Irish American because I did not know they made them like that across the pond. He has a very long controversies section of his Wikipedia page and he is probably out and out a bad person. However, this clip is funny and he has great timing. The vocal coach who taught Colin Ferral to sing for the movie Crazy Heart said it was easy because he’s Irish and the Irish have music in their souls. I think this clip gets at what they were talking about. Conor McGregor can’t help but be funny and a little bit charming. He’s had his brain bashed in more times than anyone can count but he still gets us with “I could go into heavy detail, and I will, I will go into heavy detail.” This sound is fun and I’m surprised at how many different kinds of people have taken to it. There’s one thing that gets all of us, no matter the demographic, being angry and verbose.
I hate this. I hate when grown adults use cutesy language to justify their quote unquote bad behavior. I’m so sick of it. Grow. Up.
From Now On It’s Nothing But Short Short Skirts
For anyone who has seen The Wolf of Wall Street you know the point of this quote is that she is wearing short skirts to punish him because she won’t have sex with him. The short skirts are not a reward for good behavior. You guys spend all this time analyzing media and making fun of film bros and yet this very basic thing you can’t get. It makes us all look bad when people cannot recognize that Wolf of Wall Street is a good movie and the context of this quote is the opposite of what it’s being used for. Ls all around for the fake feminists who don’t like Scorsese.
I love this trend. I think it is a more fun and creative version of the “Best Friends” song from Liv and Maddie. It shows off more personality and allows for wiggle room with expression. How does each pair do “go best friend”? How about “we killing ‘em”? Does their “no new friends” interpretation include real people or emojis or an empty space? The room for creativity in this trend lets me see each pair and how they interact, I get a sense of their unique friendship in each video even if the words never change. Who they chose to do it with also can vary and those variations are all good. Doing this with your grandfather or mom is more fun in this iteration than teaching them the Best Friends dance. As always no one cares about your boyfriend, and every best friend trend is made worse by girls who insist on doing it with their boyfriend. Do it with your grandpa or your dog!
There is no reason for this to be this funny. We laugh despite ourselves. I love a trend that gets everybody. Every single person who tries this cannot help but laugh. At its core the delivery of “oh no…our table… it’s broken.” is killer. Anything anyone does on top of that only expands the joke. So rarely is a sound so funny on its baseline that any video about or around it will also be funny. It is impossible to predict or manufacture and the insistence that it is not funny only makes it funnier. Every angle we consider this from is funny because the initial phrase gets to us on a level we cannot understand. Oh no… our table… it’s broken.
A lot of Invader Zim has been popping up around Tiktok and I’m not reviewing any of them. I hate Invader Zim. I think it’s gross and it gave me anxiety as a child. It was disturbing and upsetting then and it’s disturbing and upsetting now. I don’t care about how original it was for the time, I don’t care that it let you know it was ok to be weird, and I certainly don’t care about any girls who really identify with Gir. I don’t think it’s funny or cute or cool. This is my blanket review for all things related to Invader Zim forever and always.
Less soaking, more top secret Mormon Funeral Potatoes recipes!
The new Drake meme makes me laugh every time…it’s climbing the ranking of personal favorites