Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
I have loved Sophie Turner for a very long time. She is a tall redhead who is one year older than me, of course, I consider her one of my favorite celebrities. After Game of Thrones ended I was excited for her to be a real celebrity. She was beautiful and young and had nowhere to go but up. Then Joe Jonas came along. Sure, at the time it was every 2000 kid’s dream, to date the Disney heartthrob, the unequivocal hot one (part of Nick’s charm is being the younger-brother-second-fiddle) but we wanted it to be a fling, not a wedding. Unfortunately for all of us, the Jonas brothers came up on the Disney Channel post 9/11, so of course there’s a weird evangelical connection that is now safely hidden and never talked about. I don’t claim to know Joe Jonas’s current religious beliefs, but I remember the purity ring and his pastor father. I’ve watched enough faith deconstruction YouTube videos to know that those beliefs are often deeply held long after one leaves the church, or takes off the purity ring. 4 years, a wedding, and 2 children later, he’s trying to paint my girl as some kind of bad mother and party girl. I’m not falling for it! I don’t care. I love my queen! You can not demonize her in my eyes. Every tongue that rises to speak ill of her shall be cut out. No weapon formed against her shall prosper. Not while I have anything to say about it.
Timothee and Kylie
Kris Jenner sees your claims that this relationship is fake and raises you “Making out at a Beyonce concert”. Well played. It’ll take more than a little tongue action to convince me though. Anyone can make out with Timothee Chalamet, and many have. They could have met on the way to the concert. I want to see them hold hands, in public, in New York, with other family members present. If Taylor Swift can make out with a girl at a concert, so can Timothee. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s never meant less actually.
As this PR relationship continues, people continue to speculate that Timothee is too smart for Kylie. Others are jumping to Kylie’s defense and calling Timmy dumb. It’s not that he’s some kind of genius, she’s just a known idiot. Kylie Jenner is one of our stupidest figures in culture. And not in the way where we demonize the Kardashians for all being dumb because they’re on reality TV. She’s dumb for a Kardashian. He seems smarter than her because 1) he graduated from high school and 2) he’s a little bit French. Throw around the phrase “societal collapse” and the correct pronunciation of Sartre and you become one of the smarter public figures. Not that this discussion matters they’re not dating. They just met Monday and it didn’t look like they were doing much talking.