This week’s guest column is not about the internet, but real life. I am choosing to publish it as the sunday edition because this piece of writing really spoke to me. As we settle into our reopened cities and return to bars, let us not be afraid to critique the world around us, as my friend has done here. Please Enjoy A Letter to [Redacted]
Okay I truly hate to be that guy and this email will probably go nowhere, but this venue is genuinely perfect in every way except for the DJ who was there tonight (Friday, 7/2). He played 99 songs a minute! Like if you hear any song in a bar, you typically want to hear more than the first verse. There’s a reason people enjoy vibing to songs. There’s a reason songs are good and fun to dance to at a club, and I can guarantee nobody in their right mind is ever saying, “damn, the intro to this song and half of the first verse is all that’s on my mind, all I want to vibe to.”
It’s not that his song choices were bad, it’s that he would play literally 10 seconds of one and then skip to the next. What is the point? It’s discordant. There’s no track of time. There’s no, “Hey, we’ll grab a drink when this song is over.” No, “Hold up. This is my favorite song. Time stops when I hear this.” That sort of transcendence all goes away when you play 15 songs a minute. It’s not insane to expect that you can vibe to a full song (or truly at least 2 minutes of one) once it comes on. What’s the point of hearing Madonna in a club if you can’t sing to your favorite parts? You’re telling me the natural transition from the first verse of a kick-ass Blondie song is “Livin’ On a Prayer”?? No hate on Bon Jovi, but there’s an art to pacing when it comes to DJing a crowded bar on a Friday night.
I should emphasize once more that this is no hate on the bar itself. The atmosphere was perfect. The drinks were amazing and the dancers offered a spectacle unparalleled. But this DJ was truly the most frustrating man I’ve ever encountered. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders, shake him and beg, “PLEASE JUST LET A MOOD LINGER!”
I beg of you, as an establishment, to PLEASE hire a DJ who doesn’t treat his setlist like he’s clicking through the free 30 seconds previews on iTunes for an entire evening. It’s both exhausting and haphazard.
I’m sure this will go nowhere, but thank you for your time. And I only say this as someone who loved this bar and just wished the music were better.